What in the fuckety fuck did I just read?
Somehow looking for 19th century western tales I made Ky West’s acquaintance with her spirited interpretation of modern Texas Cowboy. Now these just ain’t the regular stereotypical riding to the hounds Texas Cowboy tending cattle. This is an entire genre of novels about modern Adventure Men with that good dick that’s so good when he put it down on your ass your aunt still drinks a 5th of E&J having flashbacks from thirty years ago about out here slaying pussy raw dog and knocking chicks up.
To tell the truth, I didn’t want to read this for a multitude of reasons, because cowboys and Texas by itself ain’t even about to make me moist to be thirsty enough to add it to my must read pile, but the opening line did it:
“The conference room smelled like burnt coffee and bad decisions.” made me feel some kind of way in my spirit I had to read it. I just immediately had to give this genre a shot from that one line.
Now before I get down with the get down, let me tell you why I didn’t want to read it. For one, the damn book title gives away the ENTIRE PLOT OF THE BOOK as the ultimate spoiler, so if you hate shit like that this novel ain’t for you.
Two, the AI cover art. Automatically that’s a hell to the naw naw naw. In this case it ain’t even good art theft; the buck on the cover looks fake and ghey as fuck, taking away from the maschismo aspect of that All American modern Texas Cowboy thing this novel allegedly has going on. It’s shit on a shingle and takes away from any seriousness I could have about the book because it looks fake and artistically soulless.
Then there was the fact that the book still has the template West used to format in some of the pages – and in those pages the text is incomplete. Just a shit quality that already made me drop two stars. Books like that normally are erroneous on the typos; I’m pleased to announce there was only one typo in the novella, which was in the beginning. That one upside actually gave me the strength to forgive the aforementioned and read the damn book.
Now it has come to my attention that Ky West possibly could have used AI to write this thing, or some elements. None of that has been proven and is merely speculative because of the poor writing. If you have DEFINITIVE EVIDENCE that this is AI, PROVE IT, just don’t clown it because it’s indie.
I give credit where credit is due – this is a guilty pleasure type read, as you all know I love. The story was short and sweet and can make sure you get done taking a shit, and I was questionably confused the whole way through, so credit to Ky West for making that Muvah Jackie Collinsesque novella that you can sip vodka with one ice cube on and get it in.
Now let’s get it in, shall we?
This novel is told by two people, Nia and Mason, in the first person. Nia kicks it off in Atlanta, burnt out, just broke up with her jive ass man Jamal, and decides to tell her boss to kiss her Black ass down to the dark crevice, pack it up and go on home back to her town in Texas (which isn’t clear what it is) to work her life’s path shit out. Going back home a failure ain’t for the faint of heart, either, because the town she from stay on that bullshit gossip, watching what everybody’s doing, and acting like they on Real Housewives Of Small Itty Bitty Titty Texas Committee.
Now while she gets reacquainted with her hometown, her brother’s best friend and presumable lust crush Mason and her bump paths at a local event. Mason takes over telling us what a successful real estate entrepreneur self made millionaire and a local celebrity he is that’s bigger in the who’s who circles than Kim Kardashian’s ass. He’s doing this deal where the good ol’ boy money investors want him tied down on the road to marriage, so his social media influencer jump off Nessa is his compromise, in a business deal that will get her star power and get the money people out his love life. I guess living la vida married is a thing in the south to put on airs. Anyway, Mason ain’t really fond of that stipulation, especially after his jump off starts acting wifey and putting out announcements like their arrangement is real.
The back and forth storytelling reveals both of them are hot for each other and always have been but never acted on it. When they see each other at an event where a tornado interrupts their reunion, he saves her in the chaos and takes her to his ranch for shelter until the dust literally settles and he can take her home.
Waiting out the storm, they both get cabin fever, which makes Mason break off the arrangement with Nessa and then get down on it with Nia, getting it for all the times he wanted to get it and couldn’t. After the rendezvous, the whole town turns into the townies from How To Start An Orgy In A Small Town gaslighting her homely ass from stealing Mason allegedly away from Nessa, not knowing the flavor of the kool-aid they keep sipping.
In the middle of the chaos, both of them have serious decisions to make. Mason has to clear his name to be with her since he’s in love with her. Nia takes to low ground since, surprise and cue title, she finds out she’s Knocked Up By The Texas Cowboy aka Mason because going bareback in the 21st century in the middle of lust still could possibly get you popped off. The ending’s pretty light and typical, with both Mason and Nia trying to figure out where they stand with each other and what the future holds for them both, either together or separately, in the middle of a town that has zero business but theirs.
According to the author there will be a continuation, which I hope will give some more mystery to the novel than this, but it was quite the fun little read to get through taking a shit. Sure, the plot’s revealed up front, and it does come off at times like a throwback to Harper Valley PTA for adults, but that’s not a bad thing if you need a break and love a guilty pleasure read with a real man doing what real men do.
Give it a shot. It ain’t a literary classic nor will the genre ever be, but it’s got potential.
