The Last Mantra Of Elven Kyole

Kyole, the cross dressing Elven guru who was among a set of siblings in cathedrals from Eolis to Forepaw, went to meet his maker Wednesday.  The pipe smoking bum loafing by the King’s castle found his saintly shredded body killed in the old way by Dwarves afflicted from The Evil One over what sources claim was frustration due to their lack of remembering their mantra at the questionably perceived age of 572.

Former players that harbor ill feelings about his convoluted special characters that never registered on the game remember him as a fag hag nag that really needed to shag.  Members of the king’s entourage who proudly hold resentment towards the church for allowing the Dwarven monsters to enter fondly detested him as an attention whore who only found Elven Jesus to be popular.  For the random inebriated bar patrons waiting for the end, his remaining bits and pieces lets them drink in peace without an echo chamber.

The second of nine children born on a stump hump, Kyole began his biblical journey at the bottom of a tree.  His mother, a religious harlot from Apolone, was an erratic nervous wreck who was unable to work from obsessive compulsive pacing.  His father, a traveling key maker from Forepaw, was the bane of all elves due to price gouging keys after stealing the town’s supply.  With a dysfunctional home life and a lack of educational opportunities, Kyole made the most of a bad situation running his fingers through the lines of bricks from every structure in town.

Lacking the critical thinking to want anything out of life, his teen years were spent doing absolutely nothing.  Church members proclaim Elven Witnesses knocking on doors ministering on the goodness of their Elven Dwarf God immediately targeted him, smelling an impressionable youth like hunters smell prey.  It didn’t take much to convince him to join their cult of personality; within minutes of their conversation Kyole pledged his life and loyalty to his newfound Elven Lord and Savior, ecstatic to finally having a purpose and place in society.

Seeing the benefits of long term employment Kyole spread the gospel to his siblings.  Sources say he approached the topic like a pyramid scheme salesman; with each one of her siblings joining under him he was able to jump to the top of the heap running his own church despite a lack of instruction, vocation, or knowing the religion.  His parents refused to be supportive of their offspring’s calling, resulting in all of them leaving home on what they perceived was a mission from the Elven Dwarf God.

Kyole’s first definitive task as a holy man was establishing a cathedral at Daybreak, at the onset of the Great Tree.  Unfortunately, a chance encounter of The Evil One corrupting King Grieve and his Dwarf Kingdom forced him to flee as the newly minted monsters attacked their infrastructure.  The old man running the eternal springs say he then fled to Conflate, one of the richest branches of the Elven and Dwarf kingdom, and made quite a bit of money for his religion saving souls during their unmitigated apocalypse.

As the slaughter of the elves continued Kyole moved westward on orders from the Elven Witnesses Council.  His definitive task was setting up religious outposts throughout the cities that lay within the tree with the sole goal of saving souls and confiscating potential gold and other heirlooms that would be left behind after their murder.  According to the Department Of Royal Theft, surviving family members reported a number of family heirlooms looted by a band of religious thieves over their loved ones body fitting his and his siblings description.

With his newly acquired wealth and an enemy force approaching he was ordered to move west to Victim, leaving one of his sibling behind to consolidate the faith power of the newfound family business.  The fabled Ring Of Elf he allegedly stole but carried in his possession proved to be a powerful charm of influence guaranteeing him and his merrily band of brothers their fill of what was left from the local food and clean water supply, which irritated townspeople as they wasted what was reluctantly given to them as not being suitable for their palates.

Focusing to force people to live by faith, Kyole orchestrated a series of tests including refusing to rejuvenate limited food rations that would have allowed them to eat bountifully for six months.  Sources say he also ignored his own father laying limp on his deathbed as he traveled through Misty Mascon in an exercise of conviction, refusing to use the Full Plate armor in his possession to reverse the effects of consuming molded dried meat and tainted water.  As he lay dying in his arms townspeople spit in disgust as he remembered his mantra and confiscated all keys he had in his possession.

Undertakers in Eolis say his return was a lackluster one, as he ignored all of the issues with the Ripasheiku, Ikeda, Monodrons, and Zozuras that had infected the town unless the surviving citizens gave a voluntary gold tithe.  His business acumen led to a complete boycott of his faith based services as well as a general disgust of his constant reminders of people remembering their mantra upon every informal encounter.  As a result he was left in the church to his own solitude, of which he was truly ignored. 

Kyole was sliced and diced to death from a variety of Dwarven monsters that ripped him to shreds like a bed sheet and left more holes inside of him than Swiss cheese.  Townspeople trying to buy another day directed all enemy traffic to his Cathedral, letting nature take its course.  Refusing to deviate from his rehearsed Elven Witness script, his mantra psalm proved to be his last prayer.  His final call to faith is a staunch reminder that there is an Elven Dwarf God after all.  His remains will be wing booted to the municipal water supply to float into the river Sunday.