Cum stains on the brain make people insane.

Jesus Fucking Christ. Harry Kenmare, PI At Your Service has not only earned A.B. Patterson the coveted title of being The OG Bad Boy Of Australian Crime Fiction, but he also has the distinction of Harry Kenmare being the first Pussy Detective on record without the mush mouth ebonics that go with the title. That’s right. Harry Kenmare is a sorry sack of shit running around the street looking for dead washed up chicks with cum in their hair etching a minimum wage .  If that means his dick has to get wet to get a good lead or two from a perp that looks like they haven’t washed their pussy for two years so be it.  Washed up cops can’t be choosey when they leave the lotion at home.

A lot of the writing community gave AB shit for the come stains on the brains of the dead bitch.  So fucking what.  It’s a crime book.  Get the fuck over it and read how the come got there.  Also, detective tip – sperm is identifiable genetic material aka DNA.  If reading about come on a dead body is against your crime writing sensitivities then go skeet in a sock and slide the fuck on off my site for being a fucking prude.  It’s crime.  Cum stains matter.

Harry Kenmare is a washed up former cop turned alcoholic private investigator down on his luck.  His best friend is the rot gut piss on sale at the liquor store.  His pastime is being a drunk private eye with a fondness for broke down bitches that time wasn’t kind to.  Kenmare’s potentially diseased infested crusty nuts are normally in a sling when the case gives his desperation a hard on. At Your Service takes us through seven of the most shitty cases that plays on Kenmare’s desperate decisions to pick up for rent money.  Of course most of the people knocking on his door are rich enough to kick up payment but don’t because their assholes. Kenmare would know that but the vices that got him swimming in the bottom of the bottle and bathing in the gutter with the lowest common denominators keeps him distracted. He’s a Humphrey Bogart type of man that makes the trigger crowd cringe, dripping with crotch scratching masculinity with enough anger to kick a hissing possum.  Mean, set up drunk and can’t seem to put the bottle or the bitches down because he’s about that life. For that alone I love it. It’s very rare in this day and age to find a strong heterosexual Private Investigator that has chutzpah.

What sets Kenmare apart from other PI detective stories is the fact he is the epitome of zero fucks given.  He’s not speculative or transgressive and proud of it – Kenmare’s raunchy, X-Rated, unapologetic, live, and most definitely politically uncensored. He’ll fuck a whore and not even use a rubber if track marks he can count on her arm that might compromise the price. He’ll take a uptight uptown gig from a rich prick drowning in political corruption as long as the check clears for his perks and he can fuck the lead bitch in the case regardless of whether or not he can solve it. The rotten bastard makes it plain from case number one he has no loyalty to no one, not even himself, and he’s comfortable about it since Australia for the most part has beat the hell out of him so badly he couldn’t give less than two shits after White Castle what happens to himself or his case. It’s just a low down, dirty, underpaid, shit ass job. Another crummy day getting fucked up the ass with no Vaseline with the steel toe boot of Australia’s bad policies and politics affecting his next bottle of booze and his next client. Trust me, ever case brings to Kenmare a typical shit, no good, terrible ass day with bootleg Mad Max type biker boys amped up on shit can beer piss all over him and the one good suit he’s probably kept clean with wet naps and Febreze. Ammonia stains never come out, especially after shit can beer.  Sure he can get deeper and scrounge up a feeling or two, just as long as the rot gut liquor and the cheap pieces of ass make it tolerable to keep doing.

It’s a delicious, raw, and often comical read. Almost makes you feel dirty being a voyeur in need of a bath to how fucked up this man’s life goes on a regular basis. The only thing people might not like reading it is the Aussie slang. Even I have to admit it’s like watching Pootie Tang on subtitles a bit.  Just like that flick it does take a minute to figure out a few words here and there but it won’t take away from enjoying the most fucked up private investigator on the beat proving that when life gives you lemons don’t wait on the vodka.

Read this book. A.B. Patterson is changing the game and bringing the old school P.I. into the 21st Century in a reality that is more akin to real life and not Hollywood fantasy.