Smartass Sundays: Playing Family Feud
A dose a day keeps you separate from the village idiot fray.
By Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
Family Feud is like going to Vegas with a bad gambling addiction. The odds are never in your favor. Some invisible man we never see goes and asks 100 people out of 350 million Americans in country what their answers are to the lamest questions imaginable and the inner intelligence in you has to actually speculate on what the common village idiot is going to say.
Now some people may cry racial, gender, and sexual bias. Not me. Half the fun is trying to guess what someone from the middle of the 3rd level of hell is thinking. Or not thinking. Or too ashamed to think and say even though everyone around them fits the description. The inner smartass in me loves stuff like this. They may have asked 100 people, but they forgot about me and my top five answers on the board.
Round 1: Name a situation in which people share something and everyone benefits.
- Critical Thinking.
Round 2: Name something teenagers say they will never do like their parents.
- Improperly roll a blunt/joint.
- Throw up after drinking too many shots.
- Midlife crisis sexual experimentation.
- Spend the abortion money on clothes.
- Wait until their parents die to get the house.
Round 3: Name something people always say when they’re trying to end a relationship.
- You might want to get checked out.
- That’s why your brother/sister/best friend was better in bed.
- Come by my house again and I will have you arrested.
- Just so you know the kid ain’t yours anyway.
- Let’s just have sex one more time for old times sake.
Round 4: Name something that winds up in thanksgiving stuffing.
- Grandma’s hands.
- Grandma’s nose drippings.
- Grandma’s ashes.
- Grandma’s hair.
- Grandma’s roaches.
Final Round Questions:
Name something that lives outside.
- Scorned LGBT youth.
- Military Veterans.
Name something you would do in a movie theater besides watching a movie.
- Press record.
- Focus the camera lens.
Name an animal with sharp teeth.
- Mother In Law/Father in Law
- Yours/His Ex Girlfriend’s Nether regions.
Name something ex-athletes do after they retire from the league.
- Live in their car
- Go to jail for back child support/attempted murder of spouse
Name something that politicians frequent for campaign contributions.
Richard Lawson would have kissed me twice and asked me out for a highball with these answers.