Fat Chicken Needs To Be Flipped The Bird
By Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
Whenever an entry comes into the stratosphere named Fat Chicken, great things are expected, just off the title alone. When the developer takes the initiative to boldly proclaim a moniker entitled Relevant Games, the stakes are set even higher. So imagine the shock and awe when the “relevant” developer creates a contemporary title that incandescently features obsolete and outdated features.
Welcome to the relevantly disappointing world of Fat Chicken, where repetitive propaganda rhetoric, faux positive reviews from obviously paid critics, and lack of technical support of control schematics rule the roost, leaving little to be desired in gameplay outside of flipping the bird to all involved in creating such a disdainful, wasted effort.
The first thing that will irk the hell out of players that engage this abysmal failure is the sendoff that the trailer tends to imply. Of late it is far too common to see title trailers giving a false sense of greatness without an equal pay off in play or storyline. Fat Chicken is not exempt from this fate as players are left lost, frustrated, and confused as actual mission levels barely resemble the action packed adventure of the trailer. In its place is long winded morality rhetoric and less than stellar tutorials with dysfunctional controls.
The second thing that will irk the hell out of players is the balancing act of morality Fat Chicken crams down the throat, albeit subliminally. The premise is split between profit over people, and puts players in a position to explore the evil of profits as a mission objective. One time is cute, Relevant Games. A repetitive, in your face propaganda message at every turn is just downright annoying.
Okay, we get it; the cruelty of factory farmed animals is bad. However, going on communist propaganda mode with constant very bad public service announcements throughout the game, both in storyline and subliminal messaging is overkill. More so, it is quite hypocritical to force players into exploiting the real-life torture treatment of edible animals for entertainment and profit, which is the same message Fat Chicken blatantly attempt to decry. Tsk-tsk Relevant Games.
For those that choose to embrace the irony of being horrible people in an animated simulation of pumping hormones, anti-biotics, and other GMOs into animals before slaughter or lazily engaging in cloning to churn a profit, Fat Chicken builds up a great opening, even if it fails to deliver for laptop players. Browsing the store and seeing the future of upgrades sets the tone to demolish as many animals as you can, as ruthless as you can.
It’s a sick sad world in which we live when animal cruelty can be instigated without mercy. For that, I commend Relevant Games for infuriating every vegetarian and PETA activist on the planet into a simultaneous heart attack. This fleeting accomplishment is all but vanished once on the slaughterhouse floor though, as Fat Chicken goes by the waist side in tutorial mode.
Just as soon as the sleeves get rolled up to get barnyard bloody, the fun of making money at the sacrifice of the farm residents is supposed to begin. A nice little curious walkthrough shows the basic dynamics of play, while emphasizing profit margins by any means necessary. Between pumping your birds with genetically modified corn or other additives, getting familiar with the controls is the first primary objective. It is at this point that everything goes to hell, as it is impossible to complete the missions without a desktop mouse.
Apparently there is no other way to zoom without the pinwheel on a traditional mouse, right?
Sorry, Relevant Games. It’s pretty damn pathetic that in an age where most laptops have touchscreens with pinch zoom support, you have to archaically make your flagship title handicapped by the cutting edge mouse hardware that blew people’s minds on Windows 95.
Since there is no controller support, options are limited. Too bad, since having a controller would have easily eliminated the problem of zooming.
Don’t get me wrong. Lack of controller support can be forgiven. There are plenty of PC platform titles that don’t have controller support, but function just fine with the native keyboard and/or mouse combination whether desktop or laptop. However, forcing players to have a mouse in order to zoom with the slider is No Bueno, especially when dealing with reverse tower defense entry level title on a laptop or touchscreen desktop configuration.
PC platform enthusiasts should take high offense at the audacity of any developer who intentionally lacks touchscreen and/or laptop pad support in the 21st Century. If the Android platform can integrate a virtual D-Pad, why the hell is it such a challenge for a “relevant” developer to implement such support for those that have outgrown their mouse?
Go home, Relevant Games. You have kicked Charlie Brown’s football long enough. How relevant do you think you’re going to be if the average casual gamer can’t use their built in mousepads or touchscreens on your ten buck Steam special? Post an ad on Craigslist and get some programmers that have developed a title in the 21st Century, or who at least know how to get some pre-configured walk cycle assets that meet the needs of the current technology.